How often do you cry?

My Pent Up Emotions

Our society has the standard that men for the most part don’t cry. Some believe it’s because we’re emotionless and others think men stop themselves from crying because it is seen as unmanly. For me, that assumption does have some truth in it. For the most part I don’t cry often and when I am really upset I do hold myself back from it, but not for the reasons one might think. It’s not because I think boys don’t cry and my emotions should be buried since I’m a man or because my life is simple and I have no reason to. I actually try to be open with myself regarding my emotions, because I think that standard is unhealthy. I personally don’t cry often but I believe the status quo for how much men cry is wrong.

Well, why don’t I cry often? In the past it was simply the way I was raised. In my culture men are expected to never cry, as it is seen as a sign of weakness and femininity. Whenever I cried as a kid I was met with disappointment and the expectation to do better. As a result whenever I got really upset or felt tears welling up in my eyes I forced myself to stop as I didn’t want to disappoint my parents. As time went on my age also became a factor as my culture also dictated that crying was only for children. In the past I didn’t see an issue since that was simply what was normal for me and I was used to bottling up my emotions. Now as I’ve aged and grown I realize that pushing down my feelings whenever I’m upset is unhealthy. Even if I can’t necessarily express that at home I try to find an outlet to take it out or ways to calm down like listening to music or taking a bike ride.

The status quo of men being people who shouldn’t cry is wrong and it leads to some unhealthy consequences. A lot of guys have the misconception that crying in front of others or even at all is unmanly. This has become the norm in our society and it doesn’t go without consequences. As a result men become emotionally unavailable and unable to properly express themselves or their emotions. Through my own experiences I think that this should change and I personally strive to do so. While over time I did get used to holding my emotions in, there’s a limit to how much you can handle. A bit ago I faced judgement and unkindness from multiple people in a day. I ignored it at first but as the day went on it kept getting worse and hiding how upset I was became unbearable. At some point in the day I just shut down and isolated myself from others, which in hindsight didn’t help since social isolation made me feel even worse. That day felt horrible and I stopped myself from crying multiple times since that’s what I was used to. 

The next time I had a particularly bad day I tried something different. Instead of keeping it to myself I tried reaching out to a friend and told them how I was feeling and why. In contrast to the first time, at the end of the day I felt so much better because I was able to get that support and had an outlet for my bottled up emotions instead of keeping them in. For me, while I still wasn’t able to let it out through crying because of my surroundings, I was able to seek comfort in a friend. For others the way to let out all that pent up emotion is to cry it out, which is why I’ve realized that in reality there’s no shame in it, and as a society we need to normalize it more.